If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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