why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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