The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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