I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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