Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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