We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
