my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
