i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
