Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
