just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
