they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
