Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
