I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
