then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
