Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
