she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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