Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
