the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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