I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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