We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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