That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
