I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
