dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
