this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
