rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
