There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
