Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
