Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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