3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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