I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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