Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
