i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
