I'm really into asian looking animals
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
