he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
