Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
