people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
