On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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