does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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