They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
