I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
