worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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