she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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