Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
