I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
