you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize