Whatcha textin bout Willis?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
