i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
