In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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