I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
