tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize