Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
