she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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