fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
