I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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