So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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