wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
