Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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