By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize