I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
