You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
