I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
