Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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