guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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