the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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