In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
