I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
