I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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