I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
