I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
