If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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