pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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