My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
