was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
